Lyrical tithes

We used to sing "Peace Like a River" in the church I grew up attending. Dressed in skirts, nice pants, and our best shoes and standing in rows altogether with our voices lifted in unison. This part might not be true, but we sang it during the tithing portion of the service, or at least right after. 

"I've got peace like a river/I've got peace like a river/I've got peace like a river in my soul."

I would stand and read the words projected onto the wall above the alter, dutifully raising my voice alongside Mom, Dad's, and everyone else. It is a thoughtful song, a somewhat slow song that asks you to draw out its notes against the backdrop of a lighthearted piano accompaniment.

Whether you sing in a church or under your breath during work, or while cooking with wine in one hand, the lyrical mantras we express are soothing. Song offers its sense of peace to us whether or not that word is even in the lyrics.

Our mantras. 

This morning the pregnancy test I thought would be positive came back negative, again. It's been six months without succeeding and the deficit I feel stings deeply. 

And so I make myself a cup of coffee and hold it between my hands. The dogs play together. My husbands awakes from his sleep. And I keep reminding myself, "I've got peace like a river."

Because I must.